Strategies for decision-making
Have you ever watched the TV show, This is Us? A delightful drama about family, life, death, and everything in between. I love the sibling dynamics; but even more, I love the relationship between Beth and Randall, a lovely couple with three girls. Randall is a bit neurotic and Beth keeps him grounded when things get intense. They are partners in every sense and have a unique and creative approach to working through a big problem.
Enter the Worst-Case Scenario. One person (more often Randall than Beth) would have a hard decision to make. He would wrestle with outcomes, worry about the impacts, factor in feelings, and inevitably, Beth would say; ok, let’s run a worst-case scenario. They would take turns sharing outlandish, off-the-wall worst-case outcomes to dilute fears and come to a rational conclusion that would make them feel good about the outcome (my favorite discussions were future predictions about their kids). Here is an example from the show:
I like this method of decision-making for a couple of different reasons:
Sharing with a trusted ally lightens the decision-making load
It cultivates a safe space to work through fears or concerns
Visualizing outcomes can bring perspective and confidence
Saying something out loud can dilute untruths (or narratives) we tell ourselves
Another approach is Premortem Analysis, a business technique used by development teams to prevent a project failure. A forward-looking process rather than the traditional backward-looking process of a post-mortem. In a premortem, you have the opportunity to identify vulnerabilities or influences that might get in the way, breaking down those variables even before you begin to avoid a negative result.
What makes decision-making so hard?
Decision-making is challenging because we can't see a clear picture of the results. We become fearful of failure, disappointment, or letting someone down. It's worth noting that not deciding is actually making a decision. You are deciding not to decide.
In the book, Taming the Paper Tiger, Barbara Hemphill shares a critical point about why clutter accumulates. She says clutter is simply a postponed decision. Such an important distinction. We get stuck in the struggle and put off the decision allowing accumulation to take hold. We give ourselves good reasons for deciding not to decide or to keep something we know we don't want, love, use, or need. Perhaps you’ve heard yourself say:
“I spent a lot of money on that.”
“I have to keep it.”
“I feel guilty because someone I love gave that to me.”
“I’m too stressed to decide.”
“I can’t let it go because it was an item from a loved one that is now gone.”
“I'm scared to let go.”
It’s easy to see how we lose faith in our ability to make decisions and find comfort in the delay. Barriers such as disappointment, emotional burden, personal obligation, guilt, or fear get in the way. So often the person who ultimately is disappointed is ourselves.
Overcome barriers with a new approach
Try a new approach and consider a worst-case scenario or premortem analysis. Break down your decision on paper, with a partner, friend, colleague, or professional. Work backward from your decision to see if you can turn your decision into a positive conclusion.
Here are some questions that might help you get started:
What is the worst thing that could happen?
What will I be making room for by letting go?
Am I keeping this for me or someone else? If someone else, why?
Is this a positive or negative contribution to my life?
In 5 years, will this still matter?
Obviously, if you have worked through the decision and it is still too difficult, perhaps a delay is the best option. It’s never good to make a decision that doesn’t feel right (assuming it makes you feel good). When we break down the barriers, the decision will become easier. We can the pathway more clearly and make progress toward the goal.
